Tilde Egebrand

What the colleague does instead of is

Think of a time when you felt annoyed with someone at work. Instead of thinking about what this person is like, see if you can identify what they are specifically doing  that annoys you. Such as "I was annoyed when Lisen rolled her eyes", rather than "Lisen is judgmental".
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Train on your own

What the colleague does instead of is

Notice the difference in being told "You are sloppy" versus "You hadn’t cleaned up after yourself at your workstation, could you do that next time?". Which of these would make you more motivated to improve and which would make you more combative? Researchers Avraham Kluger and Angelo DeNisis have found in their research that feedback should be given on specific behaviors rather than on personal characteristics.
In conflict, it can be difficult to identify behaviors, but it can be well worth the time invested to practice if you want the relationship with a colleague you often clash with to end in something constructive.

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